OAK GROVE ORACLE
@ 5 years old
only to find myself in the frozen tundra during a Minnesota winter – I’m the youngest child of
my parents, they already have a girl and a boy
lies between Minnesota and California – When we pass a small farm in the middle of nowhere,
my Dad asks me what I think the kids are doing in that house and I realize that in some way
people everywhere have common ground - I have a vivid dream which remains with me to this day
myself glued to the groovy psychedelic cartoons and music of the times and buy into the hippie
movement which is happening somewhere but not in my town of 10,000 – I find myself
surrounded by a cloud of white Midwest values and diversity has no meaning – I feel acutely
different than those around me
the world and leave the cornfields behind me - She brings home many interesting things -
I am riveted by an Indian comic book about the story of Rama and Sita - this is my personal
introduction to another culture - Something clicks and I become aware of the greater world
around me – the next few years, I am glued to the news as Watergate explodes and I start
to understand the twisted world of power and politics
@ 10 years old
me to hold him but I am amazed at how quickly he learns and is able to communicate
of the Seth books that I find in my Aunt's library - it remains in my thoughts for years
America dates back to 1685 – I’m curious about the fact that they were closely tied to the
Seven Day Baptists Church and produced rifles during the Revolution – I wonder what blood
runs in my veins that would make my forefathers love God and yet produce something that
takes life
@ 15 years old
at during the warm weather - I get to sing as the sun rises while I mow the course and devour
comic books at an alarming rate – I am a sweet, idealistic nerd - At school, I get picked on
because I am a goodie-goodie student and I don't know how to fight back except with words -
I feign sickness regularly to get away from one particular bully
shocked to find kids of different races, with political beliefs, doing drugs, and having sex.
I am kissed by a man and for the first time I understand why I have felt different – I take a
part-time job at Mr. A’s Drive-in, head to the city to see Rocky Horror Picture Show at midnight
on a semi-regular basis, get high and skinny dip, change my glasses in for contacts and get a
soft-perm – when I go to school, people who knew me my whole life don’t recognize me and
wonder who the new kid is - – I secretly spend endless hours in the library trying to find out
what being Gay is
understand what everyone fusses about but I feel empowered that I am now a part of the
adult world
and fully take advantage of the situation - everything clicks and I laugh at myself for not
understanding sex before – I come out to myself with vengeance and escape into the City
to explore my sexuality every chance I get, my first time in a gay bar alone and looking for
trouble, I order a Coke and Rum & get laughed at, I’m excited and nervous, I stay for one
drink and run out of the bar after a man speaks to me and says “Whats a nice boy like you
doing in a place like this when you should be at home sitting on my face!”
in State Competition for a speech/performance that I’ve written and am named most talented
by my class - After a personally dark and suicidal period, I become determined to come out to
my parents and live my life as openly as my straight brother and sister – My Dad tries to relate
it to a boyhood crush and my Mother despairs at what she did or didn’t do – She reads the bible
from cover to cover – I feel free and alive - I graduate from high school - The doors open and I
have my first love affair with an older man named Marty, who becomes my personal touchstone
for every relationship thereafter - I receive my first Tarot reading and its dead on - I move to
Finland on a one-year student exchange program
@ 20 years old
understand that I am just a regular boy from the States - I am named Patukka or Patu, for short -
A series of "supernatural" occurrences take place and I wonder about our spirits, other dimensions,
and alternate realities - I visit Leningrad and realize that all governments have their hand in
manipulation of history; I briefly make out with a doe-eyed Russian Soldier and feel that I have
done my duty to bring the world a little bit closer together – my sexuality goes dormant – I return
to the States and move to Texas to study theatre, it comes too easy, and I decide to return home to
make peace with my parents before moving into my adult life - following in the footsteps of a few
close friends, I am re-born and find a newfound spirituality that crosses into Christian Mysticism –
I jump in feet first and get rid of everything that reminds me of my homosexuality except my personal
artwork and poetry which seemed undignified to destroy
order not to improve themselves and worse, to separate people into us ("the saved") and them ("the unsaved”)
– My best friend Daniel comes out to me and I unleash my dormant sexuality once again with vengeance
tearing up the Twin Cities - I make peace with my spirituality and my sexuality & understand that I am a living
expression of the Spirit - I also finally reject the politics of organized religion and its determination to control
people and communities – Some friends reject me and I gladly wash my hands of them – I tell myself that
there are plenty of people in the world why look to hang with people who are haters
that his love for me was equal to mine for him but don’t act on it and befriend his new boyfriend
from Atlanta, Cla – Cla is not me and their relationship lasts only a few weeks – I do the right
thing and help out Cla who teaches me about painting, serious drag, and the politics of sex –
my friends are uncomfortable around him as I watch in amusement
beautiful blue eyes and makes me really laugh and decide to move to California to be with him
– He gets cold feet as soon as I get off the plane and our relationship heads into stormy waters
as we never seem to get our timing right – I find work in an art gallery off of Union Square - I
am introduced to a psychic who teaches me how to meditate and offers me insights into past lives -
Cla moves to Seattle discovers he has AIDS and is rejected by his family and friends because of fear
which sends me into a frenzy: I become a community volunteer, send educational information to
my friends in Minnesota, and worry…a lot
and scolds him for my actions, it spoils my weekend and after I listen to her rant on Tuesday
morning, I politely pass her my letter of resignation, tell her she had no right to speaking to Dan about
my work & actions, and tell her to have a nice life - I find work with a crazy gift sales rep company -
I adore my new co-workers, May Luk and Rose: May has a plastic baby in a car seat in the back of her
car and claims to be a gay man trapped in a woman's body / Rose is a kindred spirit - Rose introduces
me to her brother Phillip, who immediately becomes my best bud and we go
boldly everywhere from classic rock concerts to back alleys South of Market – Cla disappears and when
I discover he has died, I also find out that Marty has AIDS - I scream out in anger at the Ocean
@ 25 years old
a dress and heels - I leave Dan for the second time - Rose and her boyfriend find me an apartment
in the Haight - my empathy and awareness increase and I vaguely understand their flow in my life -
I am disappointed that there is no big bang to mark the Harmonic Convergence and cry that people
seem to be driven more from fear than love
attempt to walk across the Golden Gate Bridge with an endless sea of people – I realize that I can
no longer handle mega-crowds and avoid them as much as possible the rest of my life – Needing a
new outlook, I move to West Hollywood in search of a west coast Greenwich Village experience, I
find myself living in a world of plastic people - I find work with a fashion watch manufacturer and
bring both The Simpsons and Batman licensing to my boss, who passes over both properties to
take on Alyssa Milano and Archie Comics instead - we never see eye to eye again - My first love
Marty dies and again I find out after the fact - part of me dies that day
being able to be there for Cla or Marty when things got rough - I eventually find solace in the arms
of Javier, a Latino HIV+ non-drinking alcoholic who has survivor guilt – Together we find a great deal
of healing and for the second time in my life I understand unconditional love - I learn that I will never
really understand the magnitude of discrimination that so many people face because of their skin color
@ 30 years old
protesters sitting in the street as police in full riot gear move slowly past dozens of police cars
stretching as far as my eyes can see. That night from the rooftop of my apartment building, I watch
neighbors shooting guns at looters in the streets and then wander in a daze the next morning as I
pass by broken windows along the streets of Hollywood
hell I’m doing in a city where my closest friends don’t check up on me for days after the events.
- I fall in love long distance once again and spend long weekends taking the train from LA to San Diego
and this starts a eight year long relationship with Jeff – we take our love to the Suburbs where he grew
up, buy a home, and live the “perfect relationship” – I become Executive Director for a non-profit
assisting people with AIDS find sympathetic landlords
find that I was mislead and within in four months the largest AIDS service provider in San Diego is
closed down – I find myself lost and confused – I start gaining weight losing my skinny 135 pounds
shell that has suited me since I was in high school
path of my life – working like a dog for little pay while assisting others to make big money – upside,
I spend my 35th birthday with Jeff among international businessmen at a dinner in private quarters on
top of the World Trade Center in New York
@ 35 years old
Gentleman Bandit - The day after a holiday party, I'm hung over and as I prepare to head out to Vegas to
meet my folks I get a call asking me to do a bit part of the Rabbi - Excitedly I agree and am told to show up
and let the crew know I'm the Rabbi - Director Jordan Alan thinks I'm a real Rabbi and panic hits the set when
I need to give the final rites in Yiddish - I did the best I could with takes occurring in between me discretely
getting sick on a cold day in a cemetery
village of Steeple Ashton - Jeff and I celebrate our five year anniversary in Paris living in an
apartment of our own in the Marais District – I now weigh 213 pounds – Out of the blue, my father
has a brain aneurism that leaves him incapable of moving or speaking – having lost eight close friends
over the years, I’m surprisingly well equipped to handle this horrible experience and for the first time,
I feel that I have something to give back my family by helping all of us through his final days – Later, I
feel an uneasy emptiness facing life’s challenges without his voice to guide me – My Mother and I begin
weekly conversations on the telephone which inspire me and give me the chance to let her know what
a wonderful job she did in raising a little princessa like myself
Years of disappointments, loss, and fear clouded my mind and I settled for living life without expectations
and often without fulfillment
in – at first I think it’s a inane joke from the non stop chatter of morning radio but watch the entire disaster
unfold on a static filled television in an empty office
@ 40 years old
I immediately feel better physically - We experience Southern Decadence and an all gay cruise in Hawaii
which reawakens my passion for living a social life – Jeff and I part ways and became closer friends in the
process – I wake up to the fact that I’ve surrounded myself with many friends who are content with being
funny but nonetheless bitchy queens and I began to ask myself who am I in the present as opposed to who
was I in the past – I discover unconditional love from The Pod, a group of new friends who support me
through difficult times and help usher me into a new era - I am given the name Pipa and my home becomes
La Casa de Pipa
losses are offset by some powerful gains : the surprise entrance of an amazing friendship begins and
armed with a new perspective of "living" life, I make up my mind to reclaim all that I am and could be as
well as to stop struggling between what we are told we should do and listening to my inner voice – I quit
my job and changed the course of my future - Faeries begin to appear like stars appearing in the night sky
everything that I’ve learned from my varied career life and combine it with my re-emerging creativity –
I experienced the path of a Shaman and see the world with my third eye – a new spirituality has taken
hold and it is founded in self-expression…You could say, this is the year that I found the Oak Grove
within myself and creativity vomited out of every pore of my being. As the leaves begin to fall, close
friendships shift and change in unexpected ways.
part of my heroic journey. After 12 months of blood, sweat, and tears; Brotherhood Tarot comes into its own
finding a new home in the lives of men and women living in 38 US States and 10 countries. Unexpectedly, I
stumble over life's extension cord as I struggle through sero-conversion with a near death 'bout of Meningitis, which
not only alters my perspective but finds me living in a parallel universe; life is familiar and not quite the same.
I leave La Casa de Pipa for the shelter of my once and again home - Jeff's home, where he allows me to rebuild
my strength and I discover a deeper love for him & that which is ours. With strength refound, I find myself moving
in new directions as old friends play new roles and to my surprise a new man, Danné, catches my eye and wins
my heart. Aww! A year in which I come to realize that life insists on the unforeseen and this humbles me.
with a resounding successful sidebar of movies and events, which we call Cine Gay. I'm rewarded with the energy of
hundreds of men and women who come to partake in this groundbreaking event. Every pour sings I am still alive damnit!
though I begin to learn I'm living with a body and mind that has been altered. I wobble as I try to find my footing once again.
Fortune continues to shine upon me for Danné's love and laughter has followed me into the new year. Ready to begin
again, I return to the City and shelter myself in the basement of an 100 year old church turned living quarters in Gaytown.
Surrounded by marble, I pull the feather from the ink jar and push myself to finish the companion text to my
Tarot creation that continues to thrive with its own life, energy and pace.
voice has made it out into the world. Work presses down on me and my middle begins to spread. Cine Gay returns with
even greater audiences as its little brother Cine'mation takes its bows. I'm thankful for the love of Danné as it keeps me
close to center. The future beckons to me yet I put it off for now and hide out waiting for the heat of Summer.